If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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