I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
