We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
