Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
