So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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