Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
