Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
