i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you traded sex for a burrito?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
