tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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