i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
