I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
