I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
love makes seman taste better
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
