Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
