oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
