if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
