It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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