bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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