He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
