It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
