I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
