i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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