i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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