mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
