if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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