how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
