I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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