No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
