also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
