Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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