there's paper in my vomit.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
