and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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