You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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