yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
