she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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