you turned your livingroom into a bong?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
