I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
