May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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