I just threw up on my dentist
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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