Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
