Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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