I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
