Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
