i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
