So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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