just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
