i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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