We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Holy shit dude........stairs
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