I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
