Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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