she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
and you fell through a lawn chair
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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