Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
