The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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